Meet Holly Bisson, Team Lead of UX Recruiting at HubSpot. Holly joined HubSpot in 2016 and has been on an incredible professional, and personal journey during her time as a HubSpotter. One milestone? Becoming a parent for the first time. What is an incredibly exciting time for mothers to be, can also be stressful to navigate. Now proud mum to Eliana, hear directly from Holly as she shares her top tips for leaning on your work community while pregnant…

So you just found out you’re pregnant? Congrats! Or maybe you are starting to think about family planning? Congrats! Either way, it’s an amazing time of life to be in but also a really, really, hard one, full of changes, plans, failed plans, and more. And then, if you’re someone who likes to play by the rules and follow step-by-step guidelines in life, you’re in for a surprise or two! There are no playbooks for this phase in your life. That’s not to scare you, it’s the hard truth, and it’s one piece of advice I’ve appreciated along with all the unsolicited parenting advice that you start getting when you’re in family planning mode! 

However, one area of advice that I found was lacking when I was pregnant with my daughter Eliana, was what to do at work once you find out you're pregnant. How do you plan? How do you tell your boss, team, and HR? What do you do if you find yourself sick as a dog? I couldn’t find all the answers I wanted in a single resource on Google or LinkedIn so here’s what I learned while going through it last year and I hope it helps anyone out there in a similar situation (or at least makes you feel less alone!)

1. Take a deep breath - Yes, this is a somewhat silly statement, but once you start planning for a family or pregnancy, your mind starts to swirl! Even if you were planning on it, it’s a HUGE surprise when you get that positive indication on the pregnancy test, and you somehow instantly doubt if you’re ready. Or that’s how I felt, even though I’ve known I’ve wanted children for many years. Give yourself time, space, and lots and lots of deep breathing because you’ve got this, and there are many people here to help support you along the way, both inside and outside of work.  
2. Talk to HR - Yes, reaching out to HR early on is key. It might seem daunting, I know I was nervous in case I would be viewed differently. However, even if it’s just a simple “Hey I want to understand the parental leave policy” type message, HR legally must give you this information. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to with them, and it can only help you to learn about the resources your company offers parents to be. I’m lucky to work at a company that cares, and I was pleasantly surprised with a warm welcome and listening ear from HR. I opened up that I was pregnant, and as sick as a dog during my first trimester, and that I was worried about my job because I had to take some sick days. HR reassured me that it was okay. That I should take the days as needed as if I wasn’t pregnant, and that I should not be worried about my job. This HR Business Partner also shared her personal experience of a tough pregnancy, and that conversation made all the difference to me. I breathed a deep sigh of relief and knew that my company was on my side, and I had an advocate to go to if I needed anything. While I’m fortunate that HubSpot is incredibly supportive, I know that’s not the case everywhere. If your employer doesn’t feel as supportive, don’t worry. You are still legally obligated to receive information on your rights and benefits and just know that there are plenty of other people who will be excited and helpful as you move along the process.
3. Connect with other parents -  Becoming a parent has a whole list of worries, and if you’re a planner like me, you’ll want to think through your worries, check them off, and make sure you’ve planned for them all! (All the parents reading this are currently laughing because there is absolutely NO such checklist for having a baby.) But as with any life change, if you don’t have all the answers, you want to go to folks who might. At HubSpot, we’re fortunate to have a Women@HubSpot and Families@HubSpot employee resource groups (ERGs) and a Moms sub-community, and so I sought support and counsel from all of these groups.  When I reached out, I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of congratulations and offers to connect should I need anything. Lucky for me, 35% of HubSpot employees are parents! Becoming a parent I found is like unlocking a Pandora's box of other parents who are eager and willing to help. These communities became something I checked regularly and interacted with when I needed advice, support, or just an opportunity to vent. To anyone who has been pregnant or has a partner who has been pregnant, it’s a different journey for everyone.  For some, it can be super easy and fulfilling.  For others (like me)- I was really sick and miserable for more than half of it. But, with the difficulties, I found a community of parents at HubSpot who had been there, done that, and were more than happy to share their wisdom. Even if your company does not have formal employee resource groups, look for the informal community of parents that exists in your workplace. I’d bet many of them would be happy to share a listening ear. What do you have to lose? If you find this helpful, book 1:1 time with these other parents regularly until you go out on leave. These meetings for me became crucial to navigating my pregnancy at work. I connected with folks to vent, share joy, heartache, and everything else that goes with being pregnant or a parent for the first time. They had great advice on how to navigate the first trimester, how to navigate sharing the news, and also how to prepare for the changes to come in the following weeks. 
4. Tell your boss and team whenever you’re ready. There’s no policy on this, it’s completely up to you. I couldn’t wait to tell my boss and team and I told them around the nine-week mark. Though early, I felt connected to everyone on my team and I wanted to make sure folks knew why I had been out sick so often. At the end of the day, do what is right for you and how you’re feeling. Remember you’ll have about nine months to plan, so waiting a bit until you feel ready and prepared is completely okay.
5. Make plans for your leave as early as possible - Yes, this feels like it contradicts the above advice on waiting to tell your team, but you can even start planning before then.  The age-old saying “Life is what happens to you when you’re making other plans” rings true as you embark on your journey to becoming a parent. Setting your parental leave plan up early was one piece of advice almost every mom I met with told me. If you’re someone who needs a plan, make the plan as soon as possible, knowing that you could go early. The best advice I got from the HubSpot mom community was that you want to make sure if you leave tomorrow, your team, cross-functional partners, manager, and beyond know exactly what you’re working on and how to step in.
6. Ask your team to add to your parental leave plan early and often -  And don’t be afraid to ask them to fill in the gaps while you're out. The folks using your parental leave plan should be involved early so they can ask questions, call out things that may be missing, and feel confident if you were to leave tomorrow. You should also decide on what type of communication you want (or do not want) while you’re on leave.  Do you want to check in with your manager or team regularly? Do you want no contact at all? Do you want to wait and see how you’re feeling and then contact your manager during leave to let them know? Make sure you set these expectations with your team, and manager and in your leave doc, so they know what to expect. We all operate differently so setting your expectations up front is helpful. 

If you’ve made it this far, know that nothing is perfect (especially when it comes to pregnancy!) but you’ve done all you could to prepare for your leave, and you’ve leaned on your community for help. One of my MOMager (a mom who is also a manager at HubSpot) mentors told me that if you’ve made a plan, and told your team, you’ve done all you can and you should feel at ease. I don’t think I ever felt fully relaxed before going out, but it was nice to hear that from someone who had gone on leave twice, that even if your plan flexes a little it’s not the end of the world. 

Lastly, give yourself a huge pat on the back, and lots of self-care! You did it. You made a plan, you asked for help, and you’ve done all you can to make sure your team and manager feel supported while you’re out. Now, don’t forget to give yourself grace and space until you give birth. You’ve got this!